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Note to myself: I don't feel good

It's about lunchtime and I didn't pack anything, so I'm faced with a choice -- go get a sandwich from Jimmy John's, or go get a salad from Subway.


Let's be real, my body kind of wants the Jimmy John's. I'm a huge fan of the #12, which has turkey, provolone and avocado. Put it on their seven-grain wheat bread and add in some sea salt and vinegar chips and a Diet Coke, and I'm a happy girl.


Except when I look at the nutrition info:


Holy sodium levels, Batman.


And what's really annoying about it is that based on the food pyramid I grew up with, in my brain this should be a healthy meal! I've always been told turkey = good. Avocado = good. Wheat bread = good.


But load it full of sugar and sodium, and it ain't exactly a diet plan anymore.


The thing is, intellectually, I know that... but I can still sort of trick myself into believing what I'm doing is not that bad.


Same thing any time I go out to eat. If I get this item but hold the cheese, it's not that bad. If I exercise ahead of time, it's not that bad.


This attitude, frankly, is killing me, and that's not an exaggeration. I'm up over 180 pounds right now, and I feel my body responding to it poorly. I get dizzy spells, heartburn, and moments where it feels like my heart is beating out of my chest.


And as such, I'm writing this blog post so that I put this on the record: I don't feel good. I need to read this post and remind myself of that fact every time I am faced with a decision where one option is boring/unappetizing but the other will lead me to an early grave.


Sodium-laden pizza: It will make my heart race, and my skin greasy. I don't feel good.


Multiple beers: My gut will stick out further than it already does, I'll be dehydrated, I'll get a headache. I don't feel good.


That bag of candy I'm considering binging on: An energy spike, and then I'll crash. I don't feel good.


I've felt out of it all day after having gone on a vacation to Austin, Texas, where I drank a bunch of beer and ate a bunch of barbecue and tacos. I justified it to myself that I was on vacation, but if I'm being truly honest, I eat like this more often than not. That's something that needs to change if I'm going to live past 50. I'm not even being overly dramatic about this.


I need to lose 20 pounds. Thirty would be ideal, if obviously more difficult. Let's call today Day 1.



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